EUGENE E. PACE - MY FATHER

Our second Xmas together

I just added this in because
I realized that my father is with my cousin
and I'm with her father...
so I'm the curly head on the left....
when I return home I'l find the one of my father and myself

edited 3/19

Our last Xmas together

My father Gene passed away last night.  And I can not be any sadder than I am at this moment.  It's simply unbearable.  It's mind numbing.  I feel like I'm in a bad dream.  


I'm here, in Vegas, with my mother and Ray and I just felt the need to share this right now.  These are two photos that I happen to have available to me on my computer so this is what you're getting  tonight.  
I was born on Xmas day, and I wish I had the first photo, but this is close enough.  So this is actually my first birthday.  We had a habit of taking a photo together every single year on my birthday.  I'm his first born and it's an incredible honor and something that gives me great personal comfort at this time.


I will miss you daddy, so very much...your number, one xoxo juner

AN EXTRA PRAYER

So things are not going as planned for my father.
He can't seem to get out of the hospital and onto rehabilitation.  He ended up staying another night in ICU, then they finally moved him the next day...however, he can't seem to stop vomiting and he's hit that really nasty depression.  
He is weak, they needed to give him a transfusion to help boost his blood.  He still can't stop with the hic- ups and now he is  having troubles with the bowel.  Maybe the fact that the first solid food they fed to him was a freaking STEAK! might have something to do with it.  You can't give someone who basically has fasted for two solid weeks a steak...and you certainly can't give a man who just had bypass surgery steak and shrimp for dinner...I'm sure he is having trouble with his bowels!!  But don't get me started on the food in the hospital...it's insane.


He keeps counting the clock and waiting for the next level of his stay, and when it doesn't come, it just sends him deeper into his longing to leave and be well, and he gets really sad.


I need you to send that extra prayer today....I gave my mother a pep talk yesterday to deliver to my dad...and she said he looked her square in the eyes when she spoke to him, (I explained that I did just that when he first came out of surgery.  He was anxious about the tube taped down his throat and in pain, and I just kept stroking his brow and held my face really close to him and kept saying, "just keep looking in my eyes daddy, don't think of anything else. Just take a deep breath and look into my eyes."  and this helped calm him.)  So she did the same and she said he got it, he heard her.


I haven't even spoken to her today yet to find out what happened, but I got a text from her saying he can't stop vomiting...so prayers everyone, prayers.


Thx for all of your support...xox juner

TODAY

Well, things are moving right along.  My father just got out of ICU yesterday, still having some issue with the kidney's and the regulation of his heart beat goes off sometimes.  But they're moving him to the rehabilitation center tomorrow...yay!

My cold is attempting to keep it's claws buried in my head, but I'm winning.  I just haven't had a cold like this in years...and it's really taken it's toll on me.  In the meantime I'm working on the second book and plan to finish up the illustrations this weekend.

Here's a preview of the almost finished painting of Annabel and Pips, standing on his Aeroquatic, The Lizzie Belle.

Enjoy, xox juner

PS. I want to thank everyone for their well wishes and personal support...as always you guys pull through when you're needed the most.

There's a smudge on my lens that I can't seem to get rid of
and it's right in the middle of her pretty pink shirt, drat!

Annabel is known for her red cowboy boots, these have a thick rubber sole.  Photos of the finished piece soon
and the whole picture of the Aeroquatic
 to be revealed as well...just wait, it's all coming!

FOR MY FATHER AND MYSELF

Last week we got the call that any one with an older parent fears, "He's had a heart attack."  My father will be 80 in August and his health is not very good in general.  Although he has always been strong and active, he even still worked as a mechanic up to this point.   Unfortunately when he was feeling something was up back in January, and complained of pain in his chest and the back of his arms burned, his doctor told him it was a condition of his diabetes and not to worry about it.  So he didn't.  That is until he couldn't breath and the pain grew stronger this past week.


I won't over load you with all the dramatic details, only to say, that after two days of sweating it out, because his kidney's have been so bad this past year they didn't think he could withstand the toxic dye they use to do an angiogram, they finally realized they had no choice. They really needed to see what was going on in there because tests were coming back that he had indeed suffered a big attack and the damage could be extensive.  Well, they were right.  He ended up having a five...not three or four, but a five artery bypass open heart surgery on Saturday morning.  


So I was coming off of a six day fast, that had it's moments as well for specific reasons...that's a whole nother story....then no sleep, super anxiety, and an eight and a half hour drive to Vegas and four straight days living at the hospital.  I wound up getting sick and here I am now at home in bed...not my favorite.  Ray said he's been with me for two years and has never seen me sick and it ain't fun!


The one thing I have gained from being a part of this fabulous blogging community is the friendships and support we give each other.  It seems I can go out to visit with bloggers I follow and  someone is going through the same thing I am, and suddenly you don't feel so alone.  There have been times when I could read about someone's feelings of depression or personal struggle in their life, that I felt the compassion and kinship to respond with my own experience or advice....we all are really there for one another and I'm grateful to have this vehicle of friendship in my life.  So I thank you all for that.


It's funny how an emergency like this can bring out the best, and the worst in people.  I've heard others stories about quibbles among families during these instances, and it appears we were not immune to this dynamic either.
For me, in as much as it was maybe not the most optimum time to take a stand, the opportunity presented itself, and I took it none the less, and it felt good.  


I have two sisters, that on their own separately, are challenging enough, to be yourself with or have a conflicting opinion or lifestyle, but together,  watch out!  They dominate every situation in an extremely harsh and condescending fashion, in a tone that just shocks you so much so, that the rest of us just simply do as we're told...kinda like we been hit by a mac truck....walking around in a daze wondering what just happened.  


But the good thing that came out of this, besides the sense of freedom I feel at being true to me for once, is I changed my original plan and drove back with my brother and his wife instead.  It really gave me the opportunity to spend an extended amount of time with her, and I gotta tell ya, she's a hoot!  She had me laughing and entertained the entire ride home.  What a good thing is providence!


I'm just at this point in my life where I can't waste the time.  I don't want to be around negative people. I don't want to be judged for something I haven't done, nor do I want to live with misperceptions about me as a person.  If you're going to be mad at me or not like me for something, let it come from the truth about me and not what you've made up in your own head.  And it doesn't matter if two or four people see it their way, they are looking through the same lens, which doesn't make it true at all.  
I want people in my life who respect me and care about me.  I simply don't have time for anything less.  


Why is it we edit ourselves, or change who we are around our families?  Why do we regress to twelve with our parents at times, no matter how old you are?  How is it that the closest people to you in your life can be the most mistaken about who you are?  How do they not have a clue?  


The good news is that I have a great relationship with my baby sister and brother, and have recently been getting closer to my mother on a different level as well.


And in the meantime, my father came through the surgery with flying colors, however, things are not perfect today, he's having serious issues with the kidneys.  We keep praying for him and sending our love, for my mother as well, who is simply beside herself right now in utter exhaustion and fear.  And I'm laying in my den with the fire and hot tea and a family that I live with in this great home that truly love and care about me....and that's enough for now. 

He looks so frail here

And here he is just so exhausted, he hasn't been able to sleep at all, it's sad to see him look this way.

mucho love to all, xox juner